Thursday, January 6, 2011

Road to Recovery

Hey there! Yea I know I haven't been writing for a while...I lot of things to write but its all in a mess LOL!

Anyway, what a traumatic start to the New Year.
It seems to me that I suffered from a mild depression and man, its been hard to recover from it.
Ever since I got sick right after Christmas, it was a down spiral. Never been so sick before that I couldn't do anything for a week! And in that week, it did do a lot of damage. Yea, I think I get depress when I fall sick.

Lost track of time, lost track of what's happening around, lost track of people.

Even when I recovered slightly and could go back to my normal schedule, I woke up everyday feeling so sad and gloomy, like as if I lost my purpose and direction in life. What happen to the simple things that made me happy... I didn't even need simple things to make me happy...I was more than happy to go about my day.

Day after day, so depressing, not only that, I was worrying my head off... and I couldn't get out of it, I tried not thinking about it, tried to be happy, tried to be "busy" with the usual things...but it seemed like the more I tried, the more it wasn't working!

I committed it to the Lord saying "Ok, after saying this prayer, everytime I start getting overwhelmed with how I feel, I will stop myself there and then and say "It's all in God's hands", don't worry."

But that was only one step. What was I going to do to "practically" get myself out of feeling so blue all the time?

I realized that the best way to stop thinking about how terrible one feels is to get people in your life! Share with them, pray with them and end by something fun together. Of course a part of me feels like I don't want to talk to people.

But that it precisely why one needs to do it!

And it is not same to just go out and talk to people you are not close with. You need people who understands you, that you know you can feel comfortable sharing with. It's really a crucial step to feel better! We need people, even if it just means being there and not talking! LOL.

WE need our girl friends! No doubt we can share with our other half...but it's different you know. Guys will just say " Ok, I hear you, now move on!".
Girls on the other hand, will FEEL WITH YOU and try to do something together with you to make you feel better.

Distracting oneself with "fun" is also the other extreme that does not really heal, it just postpones the feeling. It is good to talk to friends to not only share, but to have closure for yourself. Then only will having FUN be ending it on a positive note.

So as much as I felt antisocial and felt that I didn't want to stress my body or myself... I called my dear friend SQ to come over. And we had a good time just talking about it, praying for each other and just enjoying the simple company of a companion.

I also had another dear friend SL to come over to exercise together! We had a good time sgaring with each other, praying also, and then ending it with a endorphin filled "follow-the-dvd" dancing session.

I must say that these sessions did help me find closure with myself as well...and it was a start to recovery.

So, I do very much encourage all those who are feeling down, do get up and get people in your life. If you have friends you can share with, get them over and have a cozy coffee time together, heart to heart talk.

Friends and laughter ARE the best medicine. ( Yea, the stupid western medicine did not make me feel better.)

If you don't have a friend to share with...then THIS IS THE TIME and OPPORTUNITY to get close to a new friend, and you will never know, life will bring you a new friend!
There's if you need someone to talk to, talk to me! :)

So go against that feeling of " I can handle it myself, I can get better by myself" and get people in your life! Seriously, its' the best 1st decision you will make for yourself and for positive recovery!

It doesn't stop there. What about those times that one is alone? Can't have friends over ALL the time right? After having closure, get a schedule going. I am a creature of habit, so I found myself wanting to get back to a schedule I can go about, of course with "more" fun things in it to make EACH DAY positive. Have a daily dose of whatever brings out the adrenaline or endorphines in you. Exercise? Go for a dance class? Play an instrument? Call someone?

It is much easier to do something that makes our body and mind naturally happy ( bring out those happy hormones) rather than doing something to "distract" the mind and hence try to "discard" the emotion. Unless one is a very very strong willed and mentally tough person, doesn't work la. Guess its because I am such a mentally weak person (LOL!), my body has to help my mind and not the other way around.

So if your emotions is getting the better of you, perhaps you can try this as well. Body over mind, and not mind over matter. I think once the body gets into a habit, one's mind will also follow suit and before one realizes, we don't have to "think" about making ourselves happy.

WE must remember that we are dealing with an emotion that doesn't make sense and might not be accurate. So we need to handle the emotion and not let the emotion handle us!

But it is hard work. And I must say, I am still struggling to get on my feet again. But a day at a time, and slowly I know one day I will wake up and say " Hey! It's naturally to feel glad again!".

I wait for that day when I can truly enjoy sleeping again. And wake up feeling rested and with a smile on my face. ( Ya, after lying in bed sick for a week...I think I am kind of claustrophobic and I don't enjoy sleeping in my bed sad right. And didn't help when I didn't have an appetite to eat fro a, lost weight. CIS!)

You know I asked my sister if I was wasting my life away worrying about tomorrows and being depressed todays. She said something very meaningful. She said you are only wasting your life if you stop living for today.

So take a day at a time. A moment at a time! YOU CAN DO IT!



  1. *thumbs up* =)

    keeping u in prayer~

  2. Exactly, exactly...many of this is SOME of what I am going through. Since the last time I wrote you...err...

    Sept - starting to have a sense of purpose, get out of bed, people admit problems to you, if not get up for yourself, get up for them.
    Oct - starting to have a sense of self - getting to know what my good and lacks, leading to self awareness and self respect.
    Nov - starting to have a sense of healthy relationship - learning that it is not always you, but others too. Knowing how little things like a hug could change/solve everything and anything, leading to a sense of respect for others. Be unafraid to see why mistakes were made and take the risk to learn from them.
    Dec - starting to have a healthy sense of need, that no one fixes anything only God does, and any wrong is a way for us to admit and seek for help and forgiveness so God could do his work. Had a real rollercoaster Christmas time - fought my first fair fight (in fair fights EVERYBODY wins), a good wakeup call that I can't do things alone but if no choice you do what you have to.

    How's it going to be:
    Jan - going to be a very hard and doped, while I'm stoned, I'm going to go about losing pride and seeking forgiveness with myself and others. Be unafraid to ask.
    Feb - going to be a very redeeming Part2 with the family over my longest CNY break ever.
    Mar - stoned and stumped now but will be absolutely crucial and defining
    Apr - HAVE TO BE SUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Me too, have to be body over mind.

  3. Hey vivebrulee , you'll make it thru! A day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time! And yes, by April... BE SUNNY! Lots of changes this coming year eh!

  4. I heard the news, chin up, it is just an elevation to how the next step should be. And it is a sign of greater things.

  5. haha you heard the "interesting" news huh. teehee. :P funnie lar. yea, we'll see where God leads eh! :)

  6. about the recovery post, I also read something in a Paulo Coelho post. That 1 week is enough to chart your own destiny before God comes and pull the rug under your feet if you don't. So first God, then self, if not nobody will pull the rug.

  7. thanks for sharing ruth! and thanks for being there when i needed a hug and a prayer too. :D enjoyed your presence. :) *hugs* bear hug :D okay hit it..chacha jive paso. lol. let the endorphins shoot to our brains.