Monday, April 12, 2010

Voyage of the bridey: Round and White

THE drama.

I wanted to buy...of course la not THE expensive expensive one la. Affordable one. But of course get it at least a month or 2 before the wedding. Last minute shopping a no no. That's like planning your own suicide.

But noooooo, with constant weeks and weeks of nagging to "not buy" I relented.

I had to make do with my mother's old ones, in which she said I could use.

But of course with my psycho-ing and consoling myself that Okla, it's not that bad. I was prepared to made do with whatever I have.

Besides, it was kind of getting too late to search for another one.

So, throw all the secret hopes out of the window- and come back to the reality in front of my eyes.

So, it's settled. I'll use what I have.
Next, I had to think really hard how to get these fixed up/ modified slightly.
I was prepared to do it myself if I have to ( which in the circumstances it certain looked like I had to D-I-Y again.).

Literally, I thought about it through the nights, and in my to fix/ modify it.
And pop! I woke up thinking that I could actually pull it off with the idea I had in mind.

So, please imagine for a moment that you are in my shoes- all excited and busting with enthusiasm to try the idea after nights of considering all other possibilities.
I better do it soon, like ASAP, cause it's really only a 3 weeks to the day.


One morning, she decided to change her mind. " Don't use mine la. Go buy your own."

It really did feel like a somebody just smashed your newly made one and only masterpiece to the ground.

I was so shocked at the sudden change, I cried. All hope smashed in a matter of seconds. Remember I already threw all the secret hopes out of the window.

"What am I going to do now?"

You tell me 2 weeks before the wedding? Very good, very good. Give me heart attack laaaa...When I want to buy I get scolded. Not buy and be guai...also kena balik. Now want me to buy. Good... Man, confusing me, confusing meeee.

My lovely bridesmaids called me to say it's ok ( THANK YOU DIV AND GRACE). Oh man, I don't cry over these embarrassing but I couldn't do anything for the next 10 mins but cry HAHA.

After the shock I was ok la. After so many incidents of God's faithfulness on my Voyage of the bridey, I guess I wasn't quite as worried as I use to be. Now, I could actually tell myself ( after the 10 mins of wetting the pillow la) that He will provide cause He always has, it is just the matter of "when" and "how".

Better what, now I can get my own. Hehe. Now, where do I find a "round and white" choker with a few layers that doesn't cost a bomb in this hour of the wedding?

I guess she felt quite bad cause the same day she came back telling me that she asked a few shops and they could actually make it, customize it.

Lo and behold, a friend from Sandakan called that night ( or the night after). The last time we went to visit her, we bought "round and white" bracelets at a "shopper's paradise price"...a.k.a really cheap la. Half the price or even better if compared here.

Yea so she called and we asked her just in case...if she could check it out for us.
She did...and they could actually make it!
Last I heard, making it there is half the price of making it here.
But now she wants to give it to me as a gift so she refused to tell me how much la...evilllllll!!!!!!

Good timing, ONCE AGAIN, God's timing. She did call me in the nick of time. And I will be getting it in the nick of time as well ( like 1 day before the wedding) HAHA.

Cheh wah, a gift alllll the way from "OVER-the-SEA" k. HAHA.


I told her..."man, you really are a saviour la."

Sometimes I wonder why He always does it this way. Break you till you are about to give up, then reward you with something so much more. But thinking about it, it is wonderful cause if He doesn't "break" you, you won't be able to see and appreciate the beauty and things that He faithfully provides. You would be so caught up with getting what you want and what you think you want, and you would be so stubborn in getting and doing what you want, and you would be really, an ungrateful piggy.

Indeed over and over again, He is faithful. Even in our unfaithfulness.

Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting His hand
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Voyage of the bridey: Life's like that, live with it.

So it dawned upon me while I was half asleep on my bed.
Nonetheless, it was a revelation.

I, honestly, was going to a rough patch in my emotional state.
And it doesn't help when girls have like 4 demanding hormones wanting to be queen.
Not fair that guys only have one to (NOT) worry about.

Ok, so I've been complainey for the past few days.
My expectations played an important villain in this episode.

I must say, I felt very disappointed.
and my body went into I'm-so-poor-thing mode.
But is seemed like the more I I'm-so-poor-thing, and the more I push my expectations, the feeling gets worse la.
The words I get thrown back at me is "Endure la", "Cope with it", or even worse- no response at all. HEH.

But alas! I realize that it is all but futile to expect, demand and cry over spilled milk!
It is inversely proportionate to feeling contended and fulfilling one's needs!
But it is so funny how girls always tend to do that to get attention- complain like it's everyone Else's fault but your own.

But complaining will only push people away more and more...and you'll end up feeling worse than before. Even if someone does "kesian" only encourages you to complain more and more and it might get out of control cause you feel so happy that someone agrees with you.

But actually, the core issue is still not solved.
People will think you are an grumpy old lady with nothing better to do but complain all the time.
But far from it, it is the emotional reaction of what's hurting deep within the soul!

I quote my darling "Life's like that, live with it!".
If one has expectations of how it should be like, how your life should be like, or how people should be like, then one is in for a big big disappointment.

Life is not ideal. At least not in OUR ideal.
Put down those expectations, put away those ideals and
Take life as it is! In all its imperfectness and un-ideal-ness.

It is a struggle and it does not happen overnight. But it is important indeed to come to the realization, to move pass the emo-ness that we feel, that the problem lies not with the others around us, but from ourselves.

If I stop at the emo-ness and never move on, I think I will be become a very depressed person, wallowing in what I SHOULD have and I think I OUGHT to have.

Only after coming to that realization, only then was I able to lay it all down before Him completely and to know that the world and all that is in it will fail us, but He will not.

And in that letting go, (and letting God) it is only than one can find contentment and fulfillment and peace.
The more you try to meet your needs, the less they will be met;
but the less you try to meet your needs ( a.k.a let go), the more they will be met!

Our expectations are man-made.
But He exceeds out expectations beyond what we can see and gives us so much more.
If only we were to see it from His perspective.

Oh of course one expects to be soothed and who doesn't want to be pampered and spoiled and to get what one wants.
And the people at the other end has to endure endless complains and still smile and try to be sane.
Of course there are times for encouragements;
But there also times when one does need a positive knock in the head.
Families, loved ones, the people around may not be ideal, may not be what we expect them to be, everyone has their own struggles.
But ever more, it allows us to face adversity, challenges and trials with so much more bravery, patience, and reliance on God.

Like in the movie,Evan Almighty, WATCH THIS:

When one prays for patience, does God give you patience or the opportunity to be patient?
If one prays for courage, does God give one courage or the opportunity to be courageous?
If some one prayed for the family to be closer, you think god zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings? Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

God provides what you need, not what you to think you WANT to sooth your hurting soul.
And in times like these, one discovers the grace and goodness of God over and over again, just when we are about to give up.

:) btw, I'm not talking about my darling.