2nd Golden Rule: Part 2

Recap:
Golden Rule No.2 - Keep on talking and listening to each other.

So we talked about talking.
Listening you say?

But what about the deep stuff you say?



Tak kan every time talk about how one
FEELS and THINKS about
the weather,
the movie,
the birds,
the opera lady
etc etc etc...kan?


DEEP COMMUNICATION
is an essential part of coping with the different experiences
together as a couple.



Voicing out our feelings, however painful,
is needed.

But you must also ALLOW and REMEMBER
that each other RESPONDS differently to situations.

Girls cry
( and guys panic and do the wrong things when they do! )
HAHA. Don't scared. Later I teach you secret.
100% works.




Guys prefer to be alone for a while,
drink a beer,
play with their gadgets,
then get over with it ASAP.





So, yes, allow her to cry; allow him to be with his beer.

But remember
to come back together
to share with one another.
(Don't leave each other out!)

Working through your griefs together ,



is just as important as working through your joys together!



DEEP COMMUNICATION:


it is about opening up our inner selves to each other.
it is about communicating issues that matter to us, to our hearts.
it is about self-discovery to yourself and to your honey bunny.
it is about encouraging each other.
it is about the realization and thankfulness,
of how God has made each of us,
and of how all the more we appreciate and cherish each other.



but is is also about making yourself vulnerable to each other.
Ouuuuuu...risky risky you say.
but if you fail to communicate on this level...
you will slowly drift apart.



LISTENING
to each other is just as important
( or even more important) than talking.



The gift of being a good listener
( sometimes it requires much practice),
is it the MOST healing gift.
Indeed, it is a POWERFUL way
of showing we care and value each other.
BUT BUT BUT it is also costly and it takes effort.

HAHA i know both genders have issues of such.

Girls like to talk and ramble about it.
Guys try to fix it.

Girls complain why guys always like to fix their problems.
Guys complain why girls always have to complain so much.

( Everyone who agrees with me say "AMEN!")





But a little give and take goes a long way.

I remember it was quite challenging in this area for US as well.
I would ramble about how stress or how sucky work was.
And he would always try to fix it.
I would always get pissed and not talk to him for the whole night.
Make him soooo stress.

I guess we just weren't very good at
talking and listening to each other YET.

But after those incidents,
we always meet up to "talk" about it.

But the good thing was:
WE never ( and always try not to ya)
accused and blamed each other
but always apologized first
no matter who was "wrong".



AND
WE always looked at
HOW to solve the situation
TOGETHER;
instead of
pointing fingers and
going against each other and
expecting the other to change.



So, it really helped.



WE talked about what happened,
our conversation concluded something like this:

Me:" I'm sorry that talked and complain too much."

He:" I'm sorry that I wasn't very helpful in consoling you too."

Me:" It's ok. But maybe next time right you can tell me when I talk too much? Please say "brain overload". Then I'll know when to shut up. :P "

He:"Ok I will. And I will try to listen more. Ask me to shut up if I start fixing your problems ya."

Me:":) Maybe, when I'm telling you my troubles, you could just hug me and say " Awww... you poor thing...It's going to be ok ya".

And since then it has been thumbs up!
Challenging but two thumbs up!






NOTE:

Girls, do understand that:
guys don't attach themselves to the situation.
So they tend to fix the "situation" and get over with it.
So they don't see why we girls get so upset about it
when they are not talking about us but the situation.

Guys, please understand that:
girls, being emotional beings,
we attach ourselves to the situation.
So when you guys try to fix the situation...
we girls personally feel "attacked" and "discouraged".


But don't lose hope.

The reason for this personal example-
To help you understand that it really takes
TWO to tango.





Girls:

1.
Choose the right time to say/ talk
...practice RESTRAIN!
( It is part of the cost of loving each other)



2.
Always give the guys "BITE-SIZE", not the WHOLE "pizza"
...else they will have brain overload ya,
too many emotions to handle,
brain overload,
brain overload.



3.
Accept the fact that guys don't talk as much as you.
But when they share with you...
NEVER criticize or make him feel unimportant.
Practice listening just as much as you want him to listen to you!

4.
Go to God first.
Your bf is not God so he probably
won't understand you as well as GOD
:P

5.
AND
DON'T assume that guys
can read your body language, or your mind.
They REALLY can't,
no matter how they TRY
and no matter HOW OBVIOUS you show it.

So, be gracious to them and
make it easier for them to say sorry...

and TELL them how you feel
what you need them to do,
or how you want them to respond to you.

:" I felt a bit hurt when you said that."

... NOT how they have hurt you:
" You are the one that spoiled my day."

It makes a lot of difference,
HOW you tell them.

***( More of these in the next chapter)



Guys:

1.
Look beyond what she says
...look to how she FEELS.



2.
Don't give "suggestions" unless asked...
practice RESTRAIN!
( It is also a part of the cost of loving each other)

3.
Be encouraging and empathize with her
( Even if you don't understand what the heck is happening)

*HINT to guys*

When your gf talks about her troubles/ is sad/ cries,
please
STOP SUGGESTING WAYS TO FIX IT,
SHUT UP,
HUG HER,
and say
" IT'S GOING TO BE OK, I'M HERE."

I'm telling you, it works wonders.(Tested, certified GOLD by others)
Your gf will soooo love you after that. HAHA.





Love is costly BUT the joy that you reap is PRICELESS.


All these are related to RESOLVING CONFLICT,
But I'll go into that whole chapter another time ya.
It's my favourite chapter tho,
I think that it is one of the most important things to learn in a relationship.

There will always be
differences/
issues /
disagreements
in a relationship.

No such thing as a "perfect" relationship.

But the WAY YOU HANDLE them
IS
the key to a successful relationship.





Ok.

Brain overload

Brain overload



HEHEHE.