2nd Golden Rule: Part 1

2nd Golden Rule: COMMUNICATION- Keep on talking and listening to each other



Unless we plan time for each other to communicate, we usually meet at our worst moment:

Sleepy in the morning.



Rushing off to work.



Tired after work.



Just before bed.




Yea, yea so we made time for each other
(golden rule no 1)
...enough kan?
No.
Spending "time" with each other is not enough...
The "time" must also be used to COMMUNICATE with each other.
Communicating is not just an exchange of information..



...but making ourselves known to each other of our thoughts and feelings.



Relationships grow when we MAKE THE EFFORT, even if it means to devise a strategy and plan to deal with the situation.



If the effort is mutual then it will draw and deepen the relationship.



If it's one way...sorry la...a bit susah and more heartbreaking- and that may turn into bitterness.

Sometimes, to increase the topics of conversation, one could increase joint activities or interests.
Once again, it does not "just happen".



It requires a conscious decision to show interest in what the other enjoys.

This lady felt lonely cause her husband is always away birding.



Instead of pitying herself, she decided to learn about the different birds and how to do birding so she could join her husband on his birding trips sometimes.



It was great and she found that she loved it! She genuinely took the effort to be interested in what her husband enjoyed.
Her husband on the other hand appreciated and enjoyed her presence much!



Em hum! It should be two ways ya! Vice versa for the guys!

This husband, feeling so loved, also started to want to take the effort to be interested in what his wife enjoys.
Now, this guy was a bird watcher, not a opera and ballet watcher.
But his wife loved to go watch em.



Nonetheless, he took the effort to go with his wife ( even though he usually sleeps through most of it HAHA).



In return, she appreciated his presence and effort too!
Their relationship flourished.
And they had lots to talk about!
( like she comments on how beautiful the birds God created are;
or like he comments on how fat opera lady was...HAHA just kidding)

2 different people;
2 different worlds,
but mutual effort and deliberate appreciation
= both happy and satisfied.



Look out for each others needs, and you'll see that love reciprocates love-
not demand your needs to be met.

Sure beats saying :" Birding! Birding! Birding! You love the birds more than me! Never home! spend time with the birds more than me! Why don't you marry the birds! "

OR

He:" What's so great about opera? I can sing better than them in the bathroom. What a waste of time. Please, don't go to these kind of crap shows again! Wasting money!"



TERRIBLE right?
BUT so very common and instinctive for us all to do that when our needs are not met! Effortless to say those things!
Thus- DELIBERATE EFFORT!
Nobody said it's going to be easy, but it's worth all the effort!

Anyway, you could also rekindle things by doing what you two first did when you 1st met.
OR find a new activity that attracts you both.




WE take walks together.
WE got involve in what we both were passionate about.
WE did special projects together like making a RC car together.
We did TRY to do a puzzle. But tak jadi la. HAHA. His idea of doing puzzles are cannot stop must finish marathon. Mine was, slowly la, little bit every week ma finish la. In the end, he finished it with his mom. What a memory. Now I always get teased for never finishing puzzle.

AT LEAST WE TRIED RIGHTTTTTTTTT.

So...try it! TAKE THE EFFORT! It's good for the heart, soul and mind.

Coming up:
PART 2- Going beyond the surface!