Shocking movie!

You guys soooooo gotta see this! I'm serious... you'll regret if you don't.

Shocking movie! And it has someone we know inside!!!

Don't worry...it's U rated.

http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1266891217452RA92

2nd Golden Rule: Part 2

Recap:
Golden Rule No.2 - Keep on talking and listening to each other.

So we talked about talking.
Listening you say?

But what about the deep stuff you say?



Tak kan every time talk about how one
FEELS and THINKS about
the weather,
the movie,
the birds,
the opera lady
etc etc etc...kan?


DEEP COMMUNICATION
is an essential part of coping with the different experiences
together as a couple.



Voicing out our feelings, however painful,
is needed.

But you must also ALLOW and REMEMBER
that each other RESPONDS differently to situations.

Girls cry
( and guys panic and do the wrong things when they do! )
HAHA. Don't scared. Later I teach you secret.
100% works.




Guys prefer to be alone for a while,
drink a beer,
play with their gadgets,
then get over with it ASAP.





So, yes, allow her to cry; allow him to be with his beer.

But remember
to come back together
to share with one another.
(Don't leave each other out!)

Working through your griefs together ,



is just as important as working through your joys together!



DEEP COMMUNICATION:


it is about opening up our inner selves to each other.
it is about communicating issues that matter to us, to our hearts.
it is about self-discovery to yourself and to your honey bunny.
it is about encouraging each other.
it is about the realization and thankfulness,
of how God has made each of us,
and of how all the more we appreciate and cherish each other.



but is is also about making yourself vulnerable to each other.
Ouuuuuu...risky risky you say.
but if you fail to communicate on this level...
you will slowly drift apart.



LISTENING
to each other is just as important
( or even more important) than talking.



The gift of being a good listener
( sometimes it requires much practice),
is it the MOST healing gift.
Indeed, it is a POWERFUL way
of showing we care and value each other.
BUT BUT BUT it is also costly and it takes effort.

HAHA i know both genders have issues of such.

Girls like to talk and ramble about it.
Guys try to fix it.

Girls complain why guys always like to fix their problems.
Guys complain why girls always have to complain so much.

( Everyone who agrees with me say "AMEN!")





But a little give and take goes a long way.

I remember it was quite challenging in this area for US as well.
I would ramble about how stress or how sucky work was.
And he would always try to fix it.
I would always get pissed and not talk to him for the whole night.
Make him soooo stress.

I guess we just weren't very good at
talking and listening to each other YET.

But after those incidents,
we always meet up to "talk" about it.

But the good thing was:
WE never ( and always try not to ya)
accused and blamed each other
but always apologized first
no matter who was "wrong".



AND
WE always looked at
HOW to solve the situation
TOGETHER;
instead of
pointing fingers and
going against each other and
expecting the other to change.



So, it really helped.



WE talked about what happened,
our conversation concluded something like this:

Me:" I'm sorry that talked and complain too much."

He:" I'm sorry that I wasn't very helpful in consoling you too."

Me:" It's ok. But maybe next time right you can tell me when I talk too much? Please say "brain overload". Then I'll know when to shut up. :P "

He:"Ok I will. And I will try to listen more. Ask me to shut up if I start fixing your problems ya."

Me:":) Maybe, when I'm telling you my troubles, you could just hug me and say " Awww... you poor thing...It's going to be ok ya".

And since then it has been thumbs up!
Challenging but two thumbs up!






NOTE:

Girls, do understand that:
guys don't attach themselves to the situation.
So they tend to fix the "situation" and get over with it.
So they don't see why we girls get so upset about it
when they are not talking about us but the situation.

Guys, please understand that:
girls, being emotional beings,
we attach ourselves to the situation.
So when you guys try to fix the situation...
we girls personally feel "attacked" and "discouraged".


But don't lose hope.

The reason for this personal example-
To help you understand that it really takes
TWO to tango.





Girls:

1.
Choose the right time to say/ talk
...practice RESTRAIN!
( It is part of the cost of loving each other)



2.
Always give the guys "BITE-SIZE", not the WHOLE "pizza"
...else they will have brain overload ya,
too many emotions to handle,
brain overload,
brain overload.



3.
Accept the fact that guys don't talk as much as you.
But when they share with you...
NEVER criticize or make him feel unimportant.
Practice listening just as much as you want him to listen to you!

4.
Go to God first.
Your bf is not God so he probably
won't understand you as well as GOD
:P

5.
AND
DON'T assume that guys
can read your body language, or your mind.
They REALLY can't,
no matter how they TRY
and no matter HOW OBVIOUS you show it.

So, be gracious to them and
make it easier for them to say sorry...

and TELL them how you feel
what you need them to do,
or how you want them to respond to you.

:" I felt a bit hurt when you said that."

... NOT how they have hurt you:
" You are the one that spoiled my day."

It makes a lot of difference,
HOW you tell them.

***( More of these in the next chapter)



Guys:

1.
Look beyond what she says
...look to how she FEELS.



2.
Don't give "suggestions" unless asked...
practice RESTRAIN!
( It is also a part of the cost of loving each other)

3.
Be encouraging and empathize with her
( Even if you don't understand what the heck is happening)

*HINT to guys*

When your gf talks about her troubles/ is sad/ cries,
please
STOP SUGGESTING WAYS TO FIX IT,
SHUT UP,
HUG HER,
and say
" IT'S GOING TO BE OK, I'M HERE."

I'm telling you, it works wonders.(Tested, certified GOLD by others)
Your gf will soooo love you after that. HAHA.





Love is costly BUT the joy that you reap is PRICELESS.


All these are related to RESOLVING CONFLICT,
But I'll go into that whole chapter another time ya.
It's my favourite chapter tho,
I think that it is one of the most important things to learn in a relationship.

There will always be
differences/
issues /
disagreements
in a relationship.

No such thing as a "perfect" relationship.

But the WAY YOU HANDLE them
IS
the key to a successful relationship.





Ok.

Brain overload

Brain overload



HEHEHE.

THE END

It is THE END of my Ang Pow collecting career. :(

Next year when I give kiddos Angpow...I'm going to put stickers along with the money.
Then all the kiddos will remember this very nice, favourite aunty who gives extra stuff inside. :P
Bribe kiddos. HAHA.

If I can't get Angpows...at least I can give em with extra "loooooveeeeee". HeHe. :P

The ONE

Ok, so this one's my "favourite".



Look as his cute face trying to carry me.

(Pls click pic to ENLARGE his cute face!)

He said my dress too slippery woh. :P

He managed to carry me in the end after a few tries.

Good on ya! Yay!

The photographer taught him some techniques to-ensure-slippery-dress-not-slippery.

This was a candid-not-the-actual shot but

I'm glad the photographer caught this one on camera.

:P I love it! AND I can tease him KAW KAW! HaHa! :P

2nd Golden Rule: Part 1

2nd Golden Rule: COMMUNICATION- Keep on talking and listening to each other



Unless we plan time for each other to communicate, we usually meet at our worst moment:

Sleepy in the morning.



Rushing off to work.



Tired after work.



Just before bed.




Yea, yea so we made time for each other
(golden rule no 1)
...enough kan?
No.
Spending "time" with each other is not enough...
The "time" must also be used to COMMUNICATE with each other.
Communicating is not just an exchange of information..



...but making ourselves known to each other of our thoughts and feelings.



Relationships grow when we MAKE THE EFFORT, even if it means to devise a strategy and plan to deal with the situation.



If the effort is mutual then it will draw and deepen the relationship.



If it's one way...sorry la...a bit susah and more heartbreaking- and that may turn into bitterness.

Sometimes, to increase the topics of conversation, one could increase joint activities or interests.
Once again, it does not "just happen".



It requires a conscious decision to show interest in what the other enjoys.

This lady felt lonely cause her husband is always away birding.



Instead of pitying herself, she decided to learn about the different birds and how to do birding so she could join her husband on his birding trips sometimes.



It was great and she found that she loved it! She genuinely took the effort to be interested in what her husband enjoyed.
Her husband on the other hand appreciated and enjoyed her presence much!



Em hum! It should be two ways ya! Vice versa for the guys!

This husband, feeling so loved, also started to want to take the effort to be interested in what his wife enjoys.
Now, this guy was a bird watcher, not a opera and ballet watcher.
But his wife loved to go watch em.



Nonetheless, he took the effort to go with his wife ( even though he usually sleeps through most of it HAHA).



In return, she appreciated his presence and effort too!
Their relationship flourished.
And they had lots to talk about!
( like she comments on how beautiful the birds God created are;
or like he comments on how fat opera lady was...HAHA just kidding)

2 different people;
2 different worlds,
but mutual effort and deliberate appreciation
= both happy and satisfied.



Look out for each others needs, and you'll see that love reciprocates love-
not demand your needs to be met.

Sure beats saying :" Birding! Birding! Birding! You love the birds more than me! Never home! spend time with the birds more than me! Why don't you marry the birds! "

OR

He:" What's so great about opera? I can sing better than them in the bathroom. What a waste of time. Please, don't go to these kind of crap shows again! Wasting money!"



TERRIBLE right?
BUT so very common and instinctive for us all to do that when our needs are not met! Effortless to say those things!
Thus- DELIBERATE EFFORT!
Nobody said it's going to be easy, but it's worth all the effort!

Anyway, you could also rekindle things by doing what you two first did when you 1st met.
OR find a new activity that attracts you both.




WE take walks together.
WE got involve in what we both were passionate about.
WE did special projects together like making a RC car together.
We did TRY to do a puzzle. But tak jadi la. HAHA. His idea of doing puzzles are cannot stop must finish marathon. Mine was, slowly la, little bit every week ma finish la. In the end, he finished it with his mom. What a memory. Now I always get teased for never finishing puzzle.

AT LEAST WE TRIED RIGHTTTTTTTTT.

So...try it! TAKE THE EFFORT! It's good for the heart, soul and mind.

Coming up:
PART 2- Going beyond the surface!

Sneak peek!

TADA! Here's some Sneak peeks of the pics!


The hands...



The feets...



The shadows...



The flowers...



The butts...



Okla okla, the backs...



The people on the chairs...



HAHAHA I'm so evil. :P

Suspens-la a bittttt...kan?! :P

Coming soon la the pics, coming soon la.

Don't kill me , just being noti. :P

Hehe.

:P

Relationshipy-ship: Golden Rule No.1

The book I'm reading prior to "the bells" is very helpful to not only those who are going to tie the knot, but to anyone who is in a relationship because this book talks about building the basic foundations of a successful relationship.



I'm sure that if you put these Golden Rules into practice ( It really helps! ), you will reap the benefits of a beautiful lasting relationship with your darling/honey/sweetheart/buttercup/cutesy-pie/smoochie-bug/Tigger/Munchkin/poopy/Fuzzy-wuzzy...ok ok ya you get what I mean.

SO here's a summary of

GOLDEN RULE NO.1:
Make time for each other and HAVE FUN together!

To grow closer as a couple, both must be PROACTIVE in the relationship, not REACTIVE. Relationships thrives on creativity and initiatives not the constant blast of expectations and accusations of "why can't you be more this and that...".




Thus, we need to take the initiative to make time for the things that we believe are important- and we need to make them NOW!

To deprive a relationship of time spent together is like depriving each other of air, or a plant of water.



Time together with the people who matter most does not JUST HAPPEN- it requires a deliberate and determined decision.

Time together is SIMPLE but POWERFUL!

Plan it!



Prioritize it!



Protect it!



Keeping time for each other is not easy and it is the 1st thing that can slip quietly out of a loving relationship.

2 weeks WITHOUT the opportunity to relax, have fun and communicate together properly is a LLLOOOONNNGGGGGG time in marriage/relationship. When we have had time together, we experience a sense of well-being.



BUT it doesn't mean we shouldn't have time apart although a priority must be given to find activities that both enjoy.

Somethings we feel differently about and some interests we will be unable to share together. (work/social events/church activities/ personality/abilities/level of self-confidence)



" Many couples have trouble with this aspect. They feel abandoned when their partner wants time apart (going out with his peers, football, watch football etc etc etc). In reality, we all need time apart, which makes us realize the need to be back together again. People in healthy relationships cherish each other's space and are champions of each other's causes. If both attitude's are right, pursuing interest separately can be good but some interest needs to be stopped if it puts a strain on the relationship."

The process of blending 2 lives into 1 can only happen as we develop a regular pattern of disclosing to one another our separate worlds.



IN A NUT SHELL:

At the heart of a strong relationship is a strong friendship. Even good friendships drift apart unless it is positively fed and held together. Regular time together is the 1st investment needed to keep the friendship growing and to provide a firm foundation for a strong relationship;
it is a means of staying closely connected and to keep the romance alive.




NEXT GOLDEN RULE: COMMUNICATING